Thursday, November 16, 2023
For the most part, when I work with clients and exist out in the world, I try to keep my language as jargon-free as possible, as it often creates a belief barrier that an energetically-uplifting and intentional home is not for everyone. (It is absolutely for everyone and benefits all humanity.) It also can be a little bit of a bore, like you just want to watch the movie, not understand how every frame was shot. That said, I am a Feng Shui practitioner and my understanding of the environment is often viewed through the lens of the principles of that and having a shared lexicon makes it easier to navigate some of these deep dives together.
So as a starting point in bridging the gap between the ethereal Feng Shui masters of another dimension and your every day life, here is my take on a few terms of this discipline.
Wednesday, November 15, 2023
The ancient 5 element cycle used throughout the branches of Traditional Chinese Medicine to understand the flow of energy can be identified in everything you are, and everything you see, experience, and create in the universe. Each element has recognizable properties that can be applied to our unique needs and desires in ways that completely shift the flow of energy and light up our lives!
When we're feeling depleted, lonely, stuck, dull, disconnected, foggy in our brains and bodies...nature always has a solution. In this 22 min video, I'm talking about how to enlist the nourishing, fortifying support of nature--via the 5 Elements-- to lean into the life on your own terms, according to what your body really needs, with resilience and clarity for all.
Thursday, October 19, 2023
When it comes to your clothes: what to wear, what to buy, what to let go--how would you like a simple rallying phrase that:
- clarifies your decisions
- prioritizes your values
- leans into your goals and aspirations
- gives it your personal touch
Friends, this magic phrase is your Style Manifesto. In other posts and videos, I have called it an Intention or a Theme. These are all basically words for a consciously-crafted skeleton on which you hang the stuff of your dreams so they take shape.
There is no one way to write a manifesto and you could literally write a whole book or pamphlet outlining yours (see: every modern political candidate ever). But just in case you don't want this project to take over your entire life, here is one simple method for easily crafting one that is flexible and creative and do-able in a matter of minutes.
Materials needed (now it's a craft! Whee!)
- notepad and/or Post-Its (the more colorful, the funner!)
- pen or markers (funner option)
- Optional addition: Notes App on your phone
Now, choose 5 words or phrases that represent your voice, your goals, your current life (function, needs), your communication style, and finally: the IT factor that distinguishes your outfits from anyone else's.
If that kind of freeform, limitless thinking is too wildly obtuse of an order, write these five questions down on a piece of paper and answer them with any words that come to mind. As you do this, keep your favorite outfit or top three favorites in your mind. Consider how you feel and what you are expressing when you wear them.
1. What is one outstanding characteristic you already possess and want to continue to grow or encourage?
How does that look in clothes? I choose all my clothes in cheerful, bright colors (red, yellow, navy, and grass green) and look for whimsical, light-hearted details (ruffled hems and bows) and patterns--stripes and polka dots that are always looking on the bright side of life!
2. What is a characteristic of a look, an ideal, or in fashion that is something you aspire to?
My word: POLISHED
How does that look in clothes? I love tailored, well-shaped clothes and classic silhouettes in natural materials like cotton, wool, and leather. I like clothes to coordinate seamlessly and intentionally, but not be excessively matchy. I do not like anything that is ripped, unfinished, stained, excessively faded, or shapeless (even if intentionally done and trendy). That said, I am not always as put together as I'd like to be and my hair is often a bit messy. So...it's an aspiration.
3. Instant Recognition: What word is the instantly recognizable inspirational touchstone for every outfit you create?
My phrase:FUNCTIONAL WHIMSY
How does that look in clothes? Comfy, interchangeable, very practical and high quality pieces with fun colors and details that maybe don't look like everyone else, but that feel great to live in and exude my joy and high energy.
4. What word best communicates your current lifestyle?
My word: UNLIMITED
How does this look in clothes? For me, unlimited means I can move freely--nothing is too tight or confining, too itchy or restrictive of how I want to move my body or how I want to spend my day. Shoes support me, not hold me back or keep me small. Everything is machine washable! Individual items are of high-quality and are well-made, not constantly ripping, fading, or needing replacement. This is about my values, too, in support of sustainability and anti-fast-fashion. Even when I am in dressier clothes, I can still dance or sit on the floor or do what I want to do. I want to support myself with my choices in living the biggest, bravest, freest life I can.5. What word or phrase best summarizes the overall aesthetic of your signature style?
My phrase: PLAYFUL CHIC
How does that look in clothes? I bring together polished and optimistic wardrobe staples in unexpected patterns and colorways that still function as a neutral. For example, one of the cornerstone colors of my wardrobe is yellow--I have yellow shoes, a yellow cardigan, a yellow purse, yellow pants, a yellow dress, and I use them as foundational pieces for every outfit.As you can see, I think there is actually a lot of overlap in my phrases and words and most of the pictures I used for one could easily be used for another, but as I thought through each question, I kept seeing my same favorites over and over and these were the characteristics of those items I love to wear that feel so true to me.
You have your words, now what?
After you come up with your 5 words or phrases, write them down on Post-Its and put them in your closet or wherever you get dressed each day as a reminder and see if the clothes you pick out align with what you wrote. You can also put them in a note on your phone to reference when you are out shopping and before you put that impulse buy in your cart.
If you did this exercise and you don't feel like you got the words quite right, you have infinite opportunities to try again--change out one word or another and tweak it until you get just the right fit! Happy manifesting!
Wednesday, October 11, 2023
Writing a personal style statement or manifesto is a powerful step in deciding how you want to present yourself to the world with your clothes, but sometimes the quickest way to make big change in our wardrobe is by figuring out what we are NOT, which we can often feel viscerally. And yet, somehow those items that just don't get us at all love to loiter in our closets.
Here is a list of 5 categories to let go of immediately as you begin to reveal the current masterpiece that is you.
"Not Now" Clothes: These are the ones you're saving for “when your body is different”--smaller, fitter, surgically augmented, pregnant, etc. One of my mentors, Karen Kingston, said in her book Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui that "what resists, persists." Love your now--the size and shape of the body you have, which does so much good work for you every day. Lavish some high quality fabrics that fit you beautifully on that perfectly wonderful body of yours and trust that if you need something in that "Not Now" category someday, you will be able to get it easily. IF you are still in child-bearing years and have reasonably short-term plans to need maternity clothes (or similar), choose your favorites and store them together in one, clear bin in your closet.
Imaginary Life Clothes Do you have clothes (and accessories!) for a special activity or hobby (skiing, painting, Marching Band, dinner with heads of state, Pickleball) that you have either never done, don't do now or haven't in a REALLY long time? Maybe some of these items still have the price tags on them. Create some space to grow into and be who you really want by letting go of these items. I promise you that when you get an invitation to a State dinner, you will be so excited to shop for the perfect outfit right then.
The SWAG Don't be like Michael Scott on this one. Unless you genuinely like and use/wear an item such as a race t-shirt, a hat, a frisbee, or any other freebie, don't let others' message create noise in the sanctity of your style lounge! Now I have some free chip clips I love and use, but now I have purged my free stuff, I have a policy of "just say no," when it comes to accepting them in the first place. Because purging is a LOT more work than not bringing it home at all.
"Expensive" Mistakes I get it. You spent what feels like a lot of money on something and now, although you don't really want to use or wear it, you get to use it as a talisman for making yourself feel tremendous amounts of guilt and disappointment every time you look at it. I mean why WOULDN'T you keep it? 😆 The thing is, despite your attachment to your story about how terrible and wasteful you are for having bought it...the money spent is in the past and is gone--. Isn't that a relief? Great! I bet someone else could enjoy this brand new item (or make it their own terrible mistake!). New things and energy--money! better-suited clothes!-- are always on the way to you, so you better make room. Donate that pricey wardrobe fail and move on with no regrets!
Gifts from Susie So-and-So You love Susie So-and-So and she loves you, but that chartreuse onesie she very lovingly got you for your birthday is just not your style. That does not negate the love you and Susie So-and-So share or her kindness in giving it to you. I mean, YOU have even made some expensive mistakes (see above) about yourself, but you are still a good person. Susie is still a good person. The value in the gift was sent and received the moment of the exchange; the burden of keeping it is not the gift. Someone else out there is just waiting for a chartreuse onesie; let them live into their dreams, too!
Wednesday, September 27, 2023
Probably the question(s) I get asked the most about clutter-clearing basically boil down to "How can I get everyone I live with to be different so I can feel better?" But that's me boiling it down. When it's your life, it's hard to see that getting your husband to "just get rid of all his stuff already!" or getting your kids to "stop hoarding and bringing home every piece of glitter!" is about you trying to create a circumstance in which you can FINALLY feel at ease. Believe me, I get it. I have been there. A lot. A LOT. And sometimes I still go there before I remember that: this is a me problem. "Duh, Mary. I want them to know it's a them problem." The thing is: your husband (or child or grandmother or mother-in-law) probably feels a lot more okay with the situation than you do or they would be doing something different. "Duh, Mary. I want them to be different..."
Ah yes, if you could just control everyone and make them be different than they are.
When your emotional well-being is dependent upon how others act and show up, you're not only giving all your power away to them, you're also in for quite the roller coaster because the only thing other people are very predictable about is: being themselves, which is to say they're not good at being you or following the manual you have written in your head (but most likely have not told them about) about how they should think, act, and feel. And when you argue with the reality of who they are: it's you who suffers. Again. Still. More.
Want to feel better? Start by asking yourself: how do I want to think, act, and feel?
Even if no one in your life ever changes, YOU are the only star in the movie of your life and you are under your own direction. You can decide how you will show up, act, and react in every scene of it. Yes, I'll say it again: even if no one else ever changes. Here are a couple of ideas for getting started...
1. Do your own work first.
If you are asking someone to do something you're unwilling to do yourself, why on earth would they believe it's a solid choice? Though you may have already cleared your physical clutter, your thoughts about others' clutter is a good indication that you have some beliefs that need some work. Why are you feeling disgusted? Frustrated? Angry? Abandoned? What thought is creating this feeling?
Oh, have you not already cleared your own clutter? Well then...
2. Lead by example!
It could be that others are just waiting for you to show them how it's done, that it can be done, and how beautiful it all looks when it is done. Be the change!
Three more ideas for reclaiming your power when working with other people are in my Friday newsletter coming out in two days. If you're not signed up...be sure to subscribe now!
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