Probably the question(s) I get asked the most about clutter-clearing basically boil down to "How can I get everyone I live with to be different so I can feel better?" But that's me boiling it down. When it's your life, it's hard to see that getting your husband to "just get rid of all his stuff already!" or getting your kids to "stop hoarding and bringing home every piece of glitter!" is about you trying to create a circumstance in which you can FINALLY feel at ease. Believe me, I get it. I have been there. A lot. A LOT. And sometimes I still go there before I remember that: this is a me problem. "Duh, Mary. I want them to know it's a them problem." The thing is: your husband (or child or grandmother or mother-in-law) probably feels a lot more okay with the situation than you do or they would be doing something different. "Duh, Mary. I want them to be different..."
Ah yes, if you could just control everyone and make them be different than they are.
When your emotional well-being is dependent upon how others act and show up, you're not only giving all your power away to them, you're also in for quite the roller coaster because the only thing other people are very predictable about is: being themselves, which is to say they're not good at being you or following the manual you have written in your head (but most likely have not told them about) about how they should think, act, and feel. And when you argue with the reality of who they are: it's you who suffers. Again. Still. More.
Want to feel better? Start by asking yourself: how do I want to think, act, and feel?
Even if no one in your life ever changes, YOU are the only star in the movie of your life and you are under your own direction. You can decide how you will show up, act, and react in every scene of it. Yes, I'll say it again: even if no one else ever changes. Here are a couple of ideas for getting started...
1. Do your own work first.
If you are asking someone to do something you're unwilling to do yourself, why on earth would they believe it's a solid choice? Though you may have already cleared your physical clutter, your thoughts about others' clutter is a good indication that you have some beliefs that need some work. Why are you feeling disgusted? Frustrated? Angry? Abandoned? What thought is creating this feeling?
Oh, have you not already cleared your own clutter? Well then...
2. Lead by example!
It could be that others are just waiting for you to show them how it's done, that it can be done, and how beautiful it all looks when it is done. Be the change!
Three more ideas for reclaiming your power when working with other people are in my Friday newsletter coming out in two days. If you're not signed up...be sure to subscribe now!
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