Helping yourself and living an intentional life relies on learning to manage your higher brain and making effective decisions from that place. There are times, however, when the presence of a stressor (bear or active shooter, for example) causes our body to physiologically hijack our brains and render them useless for any effective long-term decision making.
What is happening? This is emotional disregulation.
Emotional Disregulation Explained
Emotional disregulation occurs when fear or upset has cognitively impaired us, but what does it really mean? All the sayings used to describe it-- "wigging out," "checking out," and "going offline"--are a key to what's physiologically happening. To be disregulated means that our autonomic nervous system (ANS), which is the body system responsible for our safety on an unconscious level is no longer regulated by our thinking brain. It has taken over and the pre-frontal cortex, the bus driver and CEO of our effective decisions, has left the building.
Leaving the Zone of Safety
Our autonomic nervous system does not know the difference between a real threat (swarm of killer bees on your face) and a perceived one (single honeybee on a nearby flower), but the regulating space between the stressor and the high alert response of the ANS, in which we can evaluate the threat level, is our personal zone of safety. Basic self-care habits (rest, movement, nutrition, hydration, deep breathing) increase the size of our zone of safety, but it is also impacted by things like trauma, illness or other physical impairment, and unprocessed emotion. To be disregulated means that you are out of your zone of safety and you are now in in fight, flight, or freeze (and some schools of thought add: fawn). This is great news when you're being chased by a lion. Your body takes over and you get the heck out of there (or fight it). If all goes well, the lion situation gets cleared up and your body resumes normal higher-level thinking capabilities. When it gets stuck in disregulation, however, and doesn't know the way back home, this is when trauma occurs.
When it's time to call in the lifeboats, try this simple technique to get regulated (or help someone else regulate) in real time.
Step 1: Establish safety: (Ask yourself or the other person) Am I (are you) safe right now? If no, there is no reason to down-regulate. Move to safety! If yes (probably yes), say aloud to yourself "I am safe right now."
Step 2: Do I feel safe? (Ask yourself or the other person) If you are still disregulated, the answer is almost certainly no. But while the brain can go to the past (flashbacks) or the future (what ifs), the body is always in the present. It's time to drop into the body.
Step 3: Acutely relax the body As a woman who gets her hackles up when ordered to "relax," or "smile!," I want to assure you that this is a do-able exercise and meant for your well-being. As you slowly take deep breaths, scan your body for tension. Bending forward and letting your body dangle as you do this, you will quickly return to your body. Repeat as needed.
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