The ancient 5 element cycle used throughout the branches of Traditional Chinese Medicine to understand the flow of energy can be identified in everything you are, and everything you see, experience, and create in the universe. Each element has recognizable properties that can be applied to our unique needs and desires in ways that completely shift the flow of energy and light up our lives!

When we're feeling depleted, lonely, stuck, dull, disconnected, foggy in our brains and bodies...nature always has a solution. In this 22 min video, I'm talking about how to enlist the nourishing, fortifying support of nature--via the 5 Elements-- to lean into the life on your own terms, according to what your body really needs, with resilience and clarity for all. 

Probably the question(s) I get asked the most about clutter-clearing basically boil down to "How can I get everyone I live with to be different so I can feel better?" But that's me boiling it down. When it's your life, it's hard to see that getting your husband to "just get rid of all his stuff already!" or getting your kids to "stop hoarding and bringing home every piece of glitter!" is about you trying to create a circumstance in which you can FINALLY feel at ease. Believe me, I get it. I have been there. A lot. A LOT. And sometimes I still go there before I remember that: this is a me problem. "Duh, Mary. I want them to know it's a them problem." The thing is: your husband (or child or grandmother or mother-in-law) probably feels a lot more okay with the situation than you do or they would be doing something different. "Duh, Mary. I want them to be different..."

Ah yes, if you could just control everyone and make them be different than they are.

When your emotional well-being is dependent upon how others act and show up, you're not only giving all your power away to them, you're also in for quite the roller coaster because the only thing other people are very predictable about is: being themselves, which is to say they're not good at being you or following the manual you have written in your head (but most likely have not told them about) about how they should think, act, and feel.  And when you argue with the reality of who they are: it's you who suffers. Again. Still. More.

Want to feel better? Start by asking yourself:  how do I want to think, act, and feel?

Even if no one in your life ever changes, YOU are the only star in the movie of your life and you are under your own direction. You can decide how you will show up, act, and react in every scene of it. Yes, I'll say it again: even if no one else ever changes. Here are a couple of ideas for getting started...

1. Do your own work first. 

 If you are asking someone to do something you're unwilling to do yourself, why on earth would they believe it's a solid choice? Though you may have already cleared your physical clutter, your thoughts about others' clutter is a good indication that you have some beliefs that need some work. Why are you feeling disgusted? Frustrated? Angry? Abandoned? What thought is creating this feeling? 

Oh, have you not already cleared your own clutter? Well then...

2. Lead by example! 

It could be that others are just waiting for you to show them how it's done, that it can be done, and how beautiful it all looks when it is done. Be the change!

Three more ideas for reclaiming your power when working with other people are in my Friday newsletter coming out in two days. If you're not signed up...be sure to subscribe now!

Helping yourself and living an intentional life relies on learning to manage your higher brain and making effective decisions from that place. There are times, however, when the presence of a stressor (bear or active shooter, for example) causes our body to physiologically hijack our brains and render them useless for any effective long-term decision making.

What is happening? This is emotional disregulation.

Emotional Disregulation Explained

Emotional disregulation occurs when fear or upset has cognitively impaired us, but what does it really mean? All the sayings used to describe it-- "wigging out," "checking out," and "going offline"--are a key to what's physiologically happening. To be disregulated means that our autonomic nervous system (ANS), which is the body system responsible for our safety on an unconscious level is no longer regulated by our thinking brain. It has taken over and the pre-frontal cortex, the bus driver and CEO of our effective decisions, has left the building.

Leaving the Zone of Safety 

Our autonomic nervous system does not know the difference between a real threat (swarm of killer bees on your face) and a perceived one (single honeybee on a nearby flower), but the regulating space between the stressor and the high alert response of the ANS, in which we can evaluate the threat level, is our personal zone of safety. Basic self-care habits (rest, movement, nutrition, hydration, deep breathing) increase the size of our zone of safety, but it is also impacted by things like trauma, illness or other physical impairment, and unprocessed emotion. To be disregulated means that you are out of your zone of safety and you are now in in fight, flight, or freeze (and some schools of thought add: fawn). This is great news when you're being chased by a lion. Your body takes over and you get the heck out of there (or fight it). If all goes well, the lion situation gets cleared up and your body resumes normal higher-level thinking capabilities. When it gets stuck in disregulation, however, and doesn't know the way back home, this is when trauma occurs.

When it's time to call in the lifeboats, try this simple technique to get regulated (or help someone else regulate) in real time.

Step 1: Establish safety: (Ask yourself or the other person) Am I (are you) safe right now? If no, there is no reason to down-regulate. Move to safety! If yes (probably yes), say aloud to yourself "I am safe right now."

Step 2: Do I feel safe? (Ask yourself or the other person)  If you are still disregulated, the answer is almost certainly no. But while the brain can go to the past (flashbacks) or the future (what ifs), the body is always in the present. It's time to drop into the body.

Step 3: Acutely relax the body As a woman who gets her hackles up when ordered to "relax," or "smile!," I want to assure you that this is a do-able exercise and meant for your well-being. As you slowly take deep breaths, scan your body for tension. Bending forward and letting your body dangle as you do this, you will quickly return to your body. Repeat as needed.

But can it heal your whole life?!

Though it may seem corny or difficult to do at first (hence mirror WORK), each repetition helps you overcome your inner critic and plants the seeds of the habits of self-love, self-compassion, self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-awareness, which are critical emotional regulation strategies. Like any practice, the more you do it, the easier and more powerful it becomes. According to Hay, self-love is the only strategy for healing EVERY problem. And all it takes is you, a mirror, and a journal and pen. What have you got to lose?

How do I get started? There is no "wrong" way to do mirror work if you're looking in the mirror and being kind to yourself. If you would like to evolve it as a practice though, try this:

• Set a timer to do your mirror work. Start with one minute, or even 30 seconds every day. Over time, you may increase to 5 or even 10 minutes a day.
• Stand in front of your mirror (or hold it in front of you) and look at yourself with compassion.
• Choose affirmations that are meaningful to you. Some of Louise Hay's greatest hits include:
• My life loves me./ I love my life.
• I am willing to change.
• I love who I am.
• Click for the daily affirmation on LouiseHay.com
• Do it every day, even when it feels weird or you feel resistance. Keep going!
• Ready to go next level? Get undressed and practice your mirror work gazing at your full, naked self. Let's go! 

Every time you make a choice in life and decide how and when to execute that decision, you are being creative. You don't have to have a gallery showing or be a preeminent tap dancer to be creative; you are creating all the time--your thoughts and perceptions, your experiences. When we inject that innate creativity with our experiences, emotions, or some piece of our authentic selves, it becomes self-expression, a way of saying to the world "This is who I am. I am here. I matter."

• self-awareness: noticing what we are feeling and being able to name it
  
• mindfulness: noticing and identifying aspects of the external world and our bodies in the present moment 
• energetic release: the intentional catharsis of emotion through movement or other deliberate activity
  
• cognitive reappraisal: the ability to shift thoughts about a situation by simply changing the perspective from which it is viewed
  
• adaptability: resourceful problem solving and pivoting when a problem or blockage is perceived
  
• self-compassion: understanding that we are worthy of love and treating ourselves with care and gentleness in the face of perceived mistakes or failures
  
• emotional support: creating a robust and resourced, supportive "community," that may consist of yourself and/or others that you connect with

You may have heard of a handwriting analysis as a means to learn about your existing personality traits, but have you ever considered that your handwriting may also be a powerful tool for leaning into your future and transforming who you could become?

Alphabetician and psychologist Vimala Rodgers developed The Vimala Alphabet as a tool for fostering personal growth through the adoption of letter forms that she believes represent our noblest selves. Because our writing represents the way we think, Rodgers believes it must also be true that intentionally changing our writing to represent higher ideals and balanced energy will therefore transform the way we think. 

A graphologist, examines and analyzes existing handwriting to compile a list of personality traits of the writer. An alphabetician deals with the alphabet in some way. In the case of Rodgers, a pioneer in the field of hand-brain interconnectedness, she uses the intentional adoption of certain alphabetical forms as a means for teaching people to bring out the traits those letters represent in themselves.

Rodgers' "Vimala alphabet"

Regarding the letter T, for example, Rodgers has this to say: “In school most of us were taught to cross the stem midway down, which represents mediocrity, or ‘just be like everyone else and above all, don’t step out of that box!' Placing a vigorously drawn crossbar on top of the t stem releases blockages that have prevented your inner vision from coming to life.”

My first attempt at Vimala writing with Ts crossed on top!

In her book Your Handwriting Can Change Your Life, offers various insights on how the free-flowing cursive of her alphabet is in direct opposition to learned emotional imbalance. For example, printing instead of writing creates a fence that separates the letters from one another. People who block print (print in only uppercase letters), the majority of which are men, have turned that fence into a wall, to protect and hide talents that they may be afraid to express.

Rodgers' book contains many exercises for personal transformation through handwriting to reach a particular goal in life, but offers this one as a starting point:

• For 40 consecutive days, practice writing the initial of your first, full birth name (not nickname, even if you go by it) in upper and lower case, and words containing it, using the Vimala alphabet shown above
  
• Do the same with the first letter of your last name (at birth)
• Write for at least 15 minutes per day
  
• Write on UNlined paper to keep away from "in the box" and "safe" thinking
  
• Write in pen, which is indelible and declarative! 
• Do not skip a day
   
  
  
  

Want to explore more with Vimala handwriting? Susan Govorko, graduate of the Vimala Rodgers Institute and author of the Vimala alphabet guidebook Alphabet, Pen, and Ink, offers prompts for 40 days of journaling for personal growth through her web site of the same name:  Handwriting for Personal Growth at Alphabet, Pen, and Ink. Govorko also created this handout for referencing the Vimala letters.

If you are seeking personal transformation of any kind, but feel confused, blocked, stuck, or unsure where to begin, it would be my honor to work with you as your coach to help you help yourself!  I offer group courses, virtual organizing, feng shui consultations, and personalized coaching on your timeline to meet your needs. Visit the contact page of my site to book a session or send me a message to set up a discovery call.